“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5 (NLT)
We have all heard this verse at some point in our lives I am sure. I am sure that if you have ever heard anyone quote anything from the Bible that this verse is in the top 10 if not top 5 verses that you will have heard and if you are a Christian then you have no doubt had it quoted to you time and time again, especially in the tougher moments in life.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately, not the verse itself but the idea of trusting in God and what exactly it means. I will admit that I very much like being a lone wolf at times, I enjoy quiet and time to myself and even require it to recharge properly every now and again. But this has also transferred into how I handle things in life. I very much prefer working on something myself as apposed to working on a team or at the very least while being in a team I had my own little section that was mine to control. This is not to say that I do not like people or being within a group, on the contrary I actually very much enjoy it. I just like having a task set before me and being able to solve it and work to completion on my own. In all honesty I enjoy the sense of accomplishment in doing this.
I have also had to learn what it means to be constantly part of a team and to look at things in the perspective of not just myself but in how it affects another thanks to marrying my beautiful wife, Hannah, almost 2 years ago. I was no longer able to bottle up issues and pretend I was alright and not work through my emotions, I was no longer able to decide things whether making plans, financial decisions or anything else just on my desire but had to look at her desire also and how it would affect both of us. This process actually started around 2-3 years before we were even married and has culminated thus far to where we are today. I am very grateful to God for giving me such an amazing wife that has essentially forced me to keep growing and giving me a desire to better myself and I am grateful to Hannah for also seeing the best in me through some of those times as I wasn’t always the most appealing person to be around during that time. But I can see looking back the change that has taken place and it has brought me to a realization.
My lone wolf mentality has often been a blockage to God working in my life and the sad thing is the reason it blocked him from working is because I wouldn’t let him. I was so focused on doing better. I was so scared of showing how inadequate I was, or at least that I felt in my mind that I was driven to proving how good I was and earning a love and acceptance that I honestly didn’t need to earn, from God and from the people around me.
It has caused me to cry out to God at my lowest moments for him to rescue me in His power and then continue to do it in my own power as if I had to prove to him I was changing and repenting of my sin.
I had grown up in the church all of my life and knew what Jesus asked of me and for many Christians out there it can be the same. We know the words of the Bible and we know Jesus words and promises to us. But we don’t realize that everything in our lives with him requires time, patience, nurture and growth.
What God has been showing me as of late, as he has helped me to grow in my openness and connection and trust with other people in my life and in letting go of the urge to prove myself is that trust in God is not some mystical ability that we acquire once we are save but rather is something that we allow to grow over time as we build our relationship with him. It takes time and takes trust in little, small moments that build up to big, amazing moments. It is not something that is easy to do and requires us to let go of our deep desire of doing things our own way. In this verse he says we have not to lean on our own understanding and in verse 7 goes on to say “Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom”. So often we are, we feel like we should be capable of doing these things or overcoming these hard times in our own strength but the truth is we are more likely to come through tough times with help, whether the people around us or God, they increase our chances of coming through the other side with less bruises and wounds that doing it on our own.
As much as I may sound like I have reached the pinnacle of trusting in God, I am not sharing this because I have came through this and I am seeking to impart my awesome wisdom onto those less fortunate, no, on the contrary. I am realizing this on the verge of the biggest test of my trust and faith in God that I have ever experienced, and in all honesty the leap off of the edge absolutely terrifies me. I am afraid of a future where I feel completely out of control of what comes next but at the same time I am coming to realize that this is the only place to fully experience that trust and faith in God. One of my old saying was anyone can trust God in the good times but in the bad times is when we find out how strong out faith is and I know God is using this to increase my faith, my wife’s faith and ready us for something big and seeing him at work.
I don’t know what the plan looks like or how things will change between now and the end of the year, but I think that is the whole point of where God has me right now. I think I am meant to be in a place of unknown, where I have no choice but to trust God and see what he does when no one else can do anything. And as scared as I am, I have also become very excited about my future too.
And I hope that by sharing this that I can help encourage anyone who is going through hard times or difficulties in life and encourage anyone struggling with fear, control or trust and to let them know that God is there for you, that he loves you and he wants to help you if you are willing to take a chance of him and let go of yourself.
Thank you for checking out my blog and I hope you join me next time!